The Idiot Attempts to Take a Class

I learned shortly after arriving in Memphis that seniors (with a small “s”) in Tennessee may audit classes at schools of higher education, tuition-free! What an Awesome Deal! (with a capital “A” and “D”). So I jumped right on it.

Now, I am one of those (some may say “nerds”) who likes going to school. I just love the whole concept of sitting and listening while someone else dishes out information like it’s water bubbling up from an underground spring. I am intrigued by classes in Anthropology, Archaeology, Architecture and Art. And I haven’t even gotten into the “B” section of the Departments listed yet. It is also important to the telling of this story that I am notoriously challenged when it comes to navigating problems on the computer. I could confess to the number of times I have cried over my laptop but it would be too embarrassing for both of us. Suffice it to say, I approach computers with a prejudicial view that I cannot possibly succeed.

Spring 1978 -- I had room in my undergraduate schedule for one elective when I was in my Senior year and so I took a Drawing class. The professor thought I had real potential. “Tsk tsk,” he clucked when I told him I was actually majoring in Social Work. So, here I am, 42 years later, trying to register for a Drawing class at the U of Memphis. Take another look at that untapped potential.

In mid-November I applied to the U of Memphis as a non-degree seeking student. I sent in the paperwork and the $45 application fee via the USPS.  In December, I received an email that documentation was missing: a Tennessee D.L. and birth certificate or passport.  I scanned my Florida driver’s license and passport and emailed them to Admissions, plus filling out another whole application for admission. That was December 18^th. I was told that all documentation was received and I should be hearing soon from the Admissions Office.

December 23.  I received another email from Admissions. Documentation Missing, again…the D.L. and passport or birth certificate.  I worried about the fact that my drivers’ license is from Florida, but I couldn’t talk to anyone about that until Jan 2^nd since everything was shut down on campus. A little worried that I may not be admitted.

So over the Christmas break, I rescanned my documents along with a detailed explanation about how my legal address was in Florida because we had just moved here from the sailboat, and I had actually never lived IN Florida anyway. So, Memphis, Tennessee was my true residence.

Come January 2020. Another email from Admissions: Documentation missing…the same d*** D.L and passport or birth certificate. Unbelievable! I was visiting in Minnesota by that time. I called Admissions. Told them the name of the person with whom I had been emailing in December. Explained that I’d already sent this documentation twice. What more could I do? Exasperation in my voice. Undoubtedly. In fact, I can feel my throat tighten up now just thinking about it. The pleasant lady asked me politely to resend the documentation just one more time, please, to her. The FL D.L. was okay, but oddly enough, I do not carry my passport and birth certificate around with me while traveling in the U.S. Imagine that!

Side Note: Before we moved onto the boat, I used an app called Evernote and I scanned hundreds of documents…passports, D.L.s, Carl’s citizenship papers (he’s Canadian, by birth), Health Care Directives, Long-Term Care policies, insurance policies, marriage certificates, boat ownership, etc. including my birth certificate, into it. Yay! ßconsider this a fairly subdued “Yay” since my frustration level was elevated.  So, (groaning) I resubmitted the D.L. and birth certificate. (Current passport was never scanned into the app, Evernote. Admissions sent me another letter within 3 minutes…all was received. I had been accepted, but perhaps I should wait until I received the letter via email to register for the class.

So, it was Jan 8^th by then. Classes start at U. of Memphis on January 20^th.  Heightened anxiety creeping into my otherwise nice visit to Minnesota. Went on to my MacBook to return to the U of Memphis portfolio that I had made for myself when I applied in December and had received a 9 digit U#, otherwise known as an ID#.  My MacBook was not cooperative. I wanted to try to register for the class. I figured that within the U of M system, they would see that I’d been admitted. But, I could no longer get into my  portfolio.

Jan 8. Called the IT Dept. Was told that my problem was, “You don’t have an advisor.” He told me, “When you get an advisor you will be able to register.” I was skeptical about that and I told him so. I had read everything about non-degree students I could find. Nowhere did it say that non-degree students need an advisor. So, I was “helpfully” transferred to the Academic Advisory Office where I remained on hold for ~30 minutes.  Was then advised that I did not need an advisor. *%!&%**

Jan 9^th afternoon. My first available opportunity to resume efforts because, guess what? I do need to do other things while in MN aside from trying to register for just one fr***in class at U. of Memphis). I found the congratulatory admission letter in my email. Immediately tried to register for the Art class.  Nope. My MacBook continually gave me an error message, and it gave me questions to answer about my immunization record, which I had answered in previous paperwork!!? I called IT. The young IT person said “the reason you can’t register is because immunization documentation is missing.” Pffftt!! I told them that couldn’t be the problem. Admissions sent me my acceptance letter. The terribly young IT boy said, “Doesn’t matter. Records still have to be received.” D*** IT Dept! Was told to call back to Registrar’s Office.  Again.  Dutifully and with visions of strangling some young person in the IT Dept., I  followed IT’s direction. Called Registrar’s office…was on hold there~45 minutes!! “No, no immunization records needed. Tell IT it’s is a technical problem.”  Ayyeegggghh! Of course it is! And “it’s not me being an idiot,” I wanted to scream.

Jan 9^th. Called IT again. Explained that the system would not allow me to go where I needed to go, in order to register. A pleasantly unhelpful and technically meaningless phone conversation ensued. Was told to call the Registrar again. A very nice woman at the Registrar’s office took pity on me. Allowed me to walk her through what was happening with my MacBook. So she gave me the numbers for the class and I entered that into the system. The Class is closed.  The kind Registrar woman advised me to email the professor to request permission to get into the class anyhow.

"The Professor works part-time. "*$#@* Of course, she does!  “I hope she checks her email today,” she said. As of this moment, I am not yet registered for a class. Whether I will be registered by Jan 20 is anybody’s guess. Oh, and I discovered when I tried to request a parking permit that I will be sent one after I’ve registered.  This feels like some sort of wretched game using building blocks. Add two blocks, one falls off. Add two more blocks, a different one falls off the other side. Grrrr. But at least it’s not because I’m an idiot this time……

I’m pretty sure.