The Brown Pelicans Called a Congress

A graceless take-off

 Now, it is widely known that Pelicans don’t have any leadership, per se.  Anyone can see that that has watched them for a while. But one day two Pelican BFFs put their heads together--well, their heads and their supersize bills together, and Cindy said, “let’s have a Meeting of all the Pelicans.”

Cindy and Phyllis

Since there is no leadership, no pecking order so to speak, to get the news out about the Meeting, the two Pelicans flew in opposite directions in order to tell as many of their Brothers and Sisters as possible. Cindy chose to fly into the wind, her favorite direction. Her BFF Phyllis waited until she had flown off and then flew with the wind on her tail feathers.

Now, being that the concept of “Meeting” was new, Cindy and Phyllis had understandably failed to establish a few parameters for the Meeting--parameters like exactly when it would take place. Cindy told the Pelicans she met along the way that the Meeting would be tomorrow when the sun was at the highest point in the sky. Phyllis told the Pelicans that she came across that the Meeting would be when the sun was just a wings’ width from the horizon, late in the day.

And…wouldn’t you know it….Cindy and Phyllis had also failed to discuss the exact location of the proposed Meeting (again, lack of leadership) but that was not so much of an issue since Pelicans have excellent vision. How else could they, while swooping over the water, suddenly dive in and scoop up a fish? So, even if some Pelicans went over on the edge of the marshes to meet (that was near where the Two-leggeds got into their floating logs and made that awful racket before churning up the water and moving on to open water) it didn’t much matter because up in the air, the other Pelicans could see way over there. They would see that over there, far in the distance there was a conflagration, a clustering, er a lot of their Brothers and Sisters. So, anyway, it happened that Cindy told all Pelicans that she saw that the Meeting would be at the end of the Long Marsh, and Phyllis told everyone she saw that the Meeting would be at the inlet to the Big River.  The job of spreading the word about the Meeting having been completed, they went to find their partners and to get some shut-eye.

There were an awful lot of Pelicans that tried to sleep that night (on posts, pilings, breakwaters, piers, green cans and red nuns, buoys, lighted channel markers, derelict boats, abandoned light house structures, and under bridges,) all planning to go to the Meeting tomorrow. Some were so excited they could hardly fall sleep. Honestly, it was a very heady feeling for most, never having been invited to a Meeting before. 

Some tried tucking their heads under one wing, and then under the other wing….neither felt right somehow. So, they turned around to face the other direction but then the wind was blowing up their tail feathers instead of onto their long faces. That just didn’t feel right either. Some tried letting their heads rest down between their feet but then of course, their huge bills were in the way. That felt really wrong.

All in all, it was a night charged with anticipation and some degree of discomfort. The combination lent itself to poetry.

Going to a Meetin’, Going to a Meetin’.

A Big important meetin’.

Fancy male Pelican named Phil

I’ll be Eatin’ at a Meetin’, Sleepin’ at a Meetin’.

Going to a meetin’.

A Big important Meetin’.  

It goes without saying that Pelicans are not known for their poetry.  But, at last the poetry worked its’ way through the Pelican population, and was followed by thoughts about breakfast. “Mmmm—fish for breakfast---mmmmm  fi-i-i-i-i-ssssh.” At last they all fell asleep.

It turns out that Pelicans have a fairly rich dream life. Few people know this. The plots are endless: There’s this one--It’s mating season and the options for mating are kinda cute; I’ll eat a strong tasting fish so my breath smells good.

Or this one—A pod of dolphins circles in the distance; Oooh, there must be a lot of fish over there. I’m on my way.

Or, there’s this one which is more common than one might think--Mother just laid an egg; oh, great, another brother or sister. I wish she’d just knock it off already.

And then this run-of-the-mill plot—A huge, slow fish is moving just below the water’s surface. I’m the only one around. It’s mine!

Ah, the dolphin dream. Where there are dolphins,
there are fish.

The Flying Dream is naturally a favorite with all Pelicans, for obvious reasons, as are Diving Dreams. Pelicans wake up just before they hit the water, the same as the Two-leggeds do. And like humans, many Pelicans have that dream where they are trying to do something and it just doesn’t work right. Or they’re looking for something (a fish, what else) and just can’t find it. I just saw it—it was right there! Where could it have gone? They look by the rocks; they look by the reef; they look and look and it becomes terribly frustrating.  This is a common Pelican nightmare. Frightening!

It’s especially hard for a Pelican to act “cool” after a nightmare. There is the involuntary “squaack” of course, which awakens the dreamer who then looks around quickly to see if anyone heard. Someone always hears it. Pelicans have very good hearing in spite of having no visible ears. So, all the other Pelicans give the dreamer the “Look.” Even in the moonlight, it’s hard to miss that Pelican glare that says, “Look, buddy, you had a nightmare—just deal with it, okay? I’m trying to sleep over here. I’ve got my own problems.”

"I slept fine last night; how about you, George?" 

When the sun rose, many Pelicans were still a bit sleepy, but rather energized with thoughts of the “meeting.” Now, when Pelicans are sleepy, their timing and aim can be off by an inch or two which can mean “no breakfast.” A hungry Pelican is a crabby Pelican. Everyone knows that. A Pelican with Narcolepsy, a common disorder among Brown Pelicans (where the brain slows way down and drops the owner off to sleep at inopportune times) will have the same problem with timing and aim.  That is why Pelicans dive headfirst into the water to get their fish.

There are some that think they dive headfirst in order to take the fish by surprise, but it’s actually awfully hard to take a fish by surprise. Fish eyes can roll around and look in every direction. No, the real reason is that a headfirst dive sort of slaps the Pelican awake.  Splash! “AHHHH.” An awake and alert Pelican is an accurate Pelican. That’s what mothers tell their hatchlings. “Now, go out there and dive. Pointy end first.”

The hatchlings do not need instruction on how to crash land feet first onto the surface of the water. They crash naturally. Everyone knows that. It’s not worth discussing. And anyway, Pelicans care little about graceful movements.  In fact, they don’t even have a word for “grace.” There are a lot of other things they don’t have words for as well, but this is one that other more graceful Birds, think is sorely lacking in the Pelican vocabulary. But to a Brown Pelican, it is simply irrelevant. Proof of this is obvious when a Pelican lifts up off the water to fly. It puts one in the mind of a frog trying to gather himself up with hopes of being airborne. In the Pelican’s case, he does succeed but it ain’t pretty.

So, one by one the Pelicans awoke, cranked their necks a little, right then left, stretched out their wings, flapped a time or two to work out the kinks and then went airborne.  Within moments, each would dive, the first dive of the day. Splash. “AHHHHH—that felt good!”  And then the serious soaring and scanning of the waters would begin. Breakfast doesn’t just fall into their laps, you know.  Or, fall into their gullets, as the case may be. A Pelican has to work for it. And a Pelican can’t be overly fussy either.  It could be like, “Hmmmm……there’s a school of little silver fish. I had those for breakfast yesterday. A little bland for my taste, but….well, there’s breakfast. Okay, here I go.” Splash!

"It ain't especially tasty, but it's breakfast."

All across the waters, Brown Pelicans were doing the same thing. “There’s a fish.” Splash! You might think that fish would get wise to this daily pattern and move farther out to sea, but you would be wrong. Fortunately for Brown Pelicans there is a shortage of wise in fish populations.

Dennis and Rich and their friend, the Other Dennis were three of the Pelicans that had talked with Cindy the day before and after a couple hours of fishing they got into an argument. The argument was about the rules to a popular game that had become all the rage.  The game was “How Much Water Can You Hold in Your Gullet?” Other Dennis had learned it where you had to hold the water in your gullet and then fly. But Dennis said “No, they changed the rules; you just have to hold it while sitting in the water.” And Rich agreed. Finally the sun was at its’ highest point and they headed toward the Long Marsh where the meeting was to take place. There was no one else there. We must be early they thought.

"Wait, wait, I think I see Randy and Lucinda over there."

So, Dennis and Other Dennis and Rich sat on the water and waited. Pelicans are extremely good at waiting in place. It is probably one of their more endearing qualities. In fact, sometimes they have Waiting competitions. For example, one might say, “I have been sitting under this bridge since the sun was over there, pointing with one wing. I bet you can’t sit here that long.” Betting is optional but does add to the thrill of the competition.

Some distance away, Phil and Lucy, Randall and Lucinda, Glenn and Jan (wait, where was Glenn anyway, he wasn’t there—where in the world does that guy disappear to?), Bonnie and Gerry, Carl and Ardys, and George and Connie had completed their breakfast diving and were taking advantage of an abandoned fishing boat that was hung up on the rocks in the river bend for a little rest.

There was some degree of gossiping that went on, to tell the truth. This is one of the least endearing qualities of Pelicans, maybe even the worst one. No no, wait, the worst would be jamming one’s bill through the fleshy part of another Pelican’s gullet. I mean, that is serious business. And it’s not like a Pelican can get disability for a thing like that either.

Well, the gossiping went as follows. Lucinda, Jan and Bonnie found that they were all of the opinion that Cindy and Phyllis were just a little too uppity for their own good. Connie and Ardys abstained from offering an opinion on the matter. That wasn’t going to get them any points either because abstaining is like judging the gossipers. Judging is an undesirable quality for a Pelican--undesirable with a capital “U.” So, Lucinda, Jan and Bonnie ruffled their feathers and went, “Hmmmmph.” And then Lucy quipped, “Well, it sure is something new isn’t it….a Meeting. What will we do there?”  And that kind of put an end to the gossiping for the time being.

After a hearty mid-morning snack, a generous lunch of baby grouper, and an afternoon snack, they all headed over to the inlet to the Big River. They crash landed, as usual. Except for Randall who decided to sneak in one last fish before the meeting.  It wasn’t long before lots more Pelicans were crash landing at the inlet to the Big River.  Cindy and Phyllis showed up there, along with their partners, Dennis and Rich and their friend, Other Dennis whom they had discovered in the final round of the Waiting Competition by the Long Marsh. Cindy and Phyllis had recognized where their communication was lacking from the day before and went over to collect their partners. There were many other Pelicans there, too, but since they’d waited so long, many of them stayed until the final round of Competitive Waiting was over.

“Dennis,” by the way, is a somewhat popular Brown Pelican name, as is Phil and Carl. You would be hard pressed to count the number of Pelicans named Phil and Carl in the throng of Pelicans that gathered. Not many Ardyses but they’re out there if you look hard enough. As for counting, well, Pelicans have very limited counting ability.  They go like this, “First, there’s me and you and then you and you and you. That’s a lot of yous. I’ve never seen so many yous all in one place.”

The Pelicans landed over at the Inlet to the Big River in no particular order. Who knew anything about Meeting, anyway? At least most Pelicans faced in the same direction which meant that Cindy and Phyllis could sit on the water facing them all. They looked at each other. “What do we do now?” they said. 

Phil suggested, “Start the meeting.”

“Yes, but how do we do it,” asked Phyllis. Gerry chimed in that they should just start talking. “Well, of course, that’s easy for you to say, Gerry. You talk all the time. Even during mating season, we all hear Gerry….talk talk talk. How do you ever get anything, you know… done?”

Gerry flapped his wings and tried to make himself look decisive, a Pelican with deep resolve. “I do quite nicely, thank you very much. Bonnie nodded her head coyly.

Dennis said, “Well, I waited all morning and afternoon for this. Now it’s time to have that Meeting, and where’s the buffet?”

The Other Dennis said, “Yeah.” The Other Dennis was a Pelican of few words.

Connie timidly put forward the question that should have been on everyone’s minds, but apparently was not. “What is the Meeting about? Why did you get us all together?”

Great White Egret

Cindy and Phyllis answered in unison.  “Because the Great Egrets have Meetings, and so do all the Herons and the Roseate Spoonbills, the Snowy Egrets and even the Night Heron. Of course, they are all very secretive about them, but we have it on good authority that they do.”

“Wait a minute,” Lucinda said with a frown. “Are you implying that we should have a Meeting just because some other Bird Brains are having them? Is that a good enough reason for all yous?” she asked looking around her at all the yous, even the yous way in the back.

“Well, I for one have never been someone to just follow the flock. That’s for the Birds. The OTHER birds, I’m saying, not this bird.” volunteered Carl, with an attitude that was frankly, well, pompous.

A secret meeting of Ibises

There was a lot of head nodding among the yous. “Well, maybe that is the problem right there?’ said Lucy tentatively.

Suddenly Glenn came in for a crash landing next to his partner, Jan. “Where have you been?” she hissed at him? “It was so embarrassing for me to not know where you were.”

“Oh, am I late?” Glenn grinned.  “Well, that’s a first,” he said with a wink and a gleam in his eye.

“Oh, brother, here we go again. I’m left here holding down the home pier and you are off doing god knows what. Honestly, I don’t know why I put up with you.” Jan mumbled looking hurt.

“It’s because of my charm, my dear.” And Glenn rubbed the side of her head with his.

“Oh for Pete’s sake,” said George. “Take it to the swamp.”

Pelican Pete, over on the far side perked his head up. Did he say Pete?

"Were you talking about me?"

Bonnie paddled herself forward just a little to float near Cindy. “Now, some of you know that Cindy and Phyllis and I don't always see eye to eye on things.  But at the same time, I’ve always said, What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Don’t you all agree?”

Pelicans are by nature, inclined toward agreeableness, and so there was a smattering of head nodding, of a somewhat tentative nature.  “What are we agreeing to?” they mumbled, looking furtively around themselves. At which point, the head nodding turned into head shaking.

“What are you suggesting, Bonnie?” Jan said.

“Wait, wait, I get it,” said Glenn with glee.

All the yous began talking at once. The yous way in the back joined in, too, even though several of them had no idea what the topic was. It sounded kind of like this… “Squaack, squaack, squaack, SQuaack, squaack, squackk, squaack, squaack. SQUAACK, squaack, squaacck, squaack, squaack, squaack.”

“You weren’t even here at the beginning, how could you get it?” said Carl.

The finalists in the Waiting Competition

“Wait, this isn’t getting us anywhere,” shouted Phyllis.  “What exactly do you get, Glenn?”

“Well, isn’t it obvious? We can be more than the sum of us.” Glenn explained.

“What’s a sum?” said George.

“We can have a presence, a meaningful presence in the Long Marsh, the Big River, the Inlet and even on the Big Water. We can decide things as a group of yous. We could say, ‘this is this’ and ‘that is that’ and we’d all agree on some things. Wouldn’t that be nice?”

“Hmmph,” Phil countered. “That’s sounds like a bunch of whooey from someplace far away.”

“Well, I think I would like to have a presence,” said Ardys softly, at last adding to the conversation. “I’ve never had a presence before. It sounds…..pleasant.” And she smiled.

“Well, ain’t that just peachy-keen for you, Chicky Poo?” hooted one of the yous way in the back.

Ardys’s partner Carl, raised himself to his full height in the water and said, “That’ll be quite enough of that, now. I am the only one allowed to call her by that name.”

“Seriously, this doesn’t have to get testy, does it?” Cindy called out, so everyone could hear.

Bonnie agreed, as did Lucy and several other yous.

“And anyway. Be kind to others is what I always say,” said Lucy. “And if you can’t, well then, keep it to yourself. Take it home I say. Don’t taint our Meeting with sarcasm.”

“Is this a Meeting now?” asked Connie.

“I prefer the use of the word “Congress” instead,” said Phil. “Can I hear an ‘Aye’?”

Everyone ignored Phil.

“Well, here’s what I see,” said Randall. “A bunch of yous with not much to say for yourselves. Is there any among yous that even has a hobby?”  Nobody raised a wing.

“Does anyone have interests outside of eating?” No wings up for that question either. A little cluster of young male Pelicans that were looking forward to their first mating season, poked each other with their beaks good-naturedly.

“See, there you have it. We have a very narrow perspective on our world.  We need a birds-eye view. I mean, a different kind of bird’s eye--like maybe an eagle eye or an osprey eye. And we need some leadership.” finished Randall.

“Now wait just one goll-darn little bit here. I didn’t come here to sign up for leadership. I’ve never had leadership, why do I need it now?” said Dennis with an attitude.

The Other Dennis raised a wing; he meant it as a way to request the floor, er, water stage for a bit. “If we had leadership, maybe we’d have Meetings where we knew what they were for and where and when they were. Just a thought.” He shrugged and withdrew a little behind Dennis.

“Exactly,” said Cindy and Phyllis together.

“But who would be the leader? Would there be only one? Would he or she have a title? Would we have to do anything the leader told us to do? Even if we disagreed with it?” Connie wanted to know.

“And how do we choose a leader? What if I want, say… Lucinda here to be the leader but yous want the Other Dennis?” George asked.

“Hold on there one little pickin’ minute. I don’t want to be a leader,” protested Other Dennis.

“I was just using you as an example,” explained George.

“Ya, well I’m not gonna be an example, so just yous all remember that. Just sayin’.” Other Dennis reaffirmed his position and retreated again.

“Times up,” interjected George. “Meeting’s over,” he said. “It’s getting dark and nobody here is a bat. I say we call it a night for now.”

“Are we going to do this again?” shouted one of the yous way in the back.

“Whatever this was.” George nodded. “I think we should. We might accomplish something.

“Like what?” Carl asked.

“Ya, like what?” a little chorus of voices chimed in.

Meanwhile Cindy had caught a piece of tree limb floating by in the current and climbed on top of it, so that she sat a little higher than all the other yous.  She braced herself against Phyllis’s foot so that she didn’t float away on the current. “Like a lot of things. Like when do we want to start moving north. Instead of all of us just wandering about like Loons. Like sharing information about the best fishing spots. Like what can we do to help a few of us that are struggling to catch enough food. Things like that.” She finished.

Fish who do not want to be breakfast for the Pelicans

It was, frankly, difficult to disagree with any of what Cindy said, and so the yous were silent for a bit. Except for the odd one now and then who absent-mindedly flew off to capture a nearby fish.  And then returned again with a crash after the fish was history.

“Oh, fer Pete’s sake. And NO, I am not talking about you, Pete, over there. I’m just using your name as an example,” Randall said. “It’s time to do something here, before we all just turn into a bunch of birds of a feather.  “Here’s a thought, just raise a wing if you want to have another meeting.”

"We could learn a few things from ospreys."
"What? I am not taking lessons from an osprey."

It looked as if all the yous raised a wing. “Can anyone count up the wings?” Randall asked. “No? Well, let’s try this then. Raise a wing if you do not want another meeting.” Only a few young yous that had a reputation for being wise-guys raised a wing, and snickered behind a bent wing.

“Okay, well that’s a wrap then. The wings have it. Now I am going to check out a new area for fish.” And Phil started to levitate from the water.

In rapid succession, Dennis and Other Dennis, Rich, Phil and Carl, Randall, George and Gerry all rose up out of the water. Nobody looked good doing it, Pelicans being prone to graceless entrances and exits as was previously discussed. As they flew off, Rich called back, “So, Glenn, where do you go when you disappear?”

"Are we meeting here? Or over there? Somebody has to decide."

Glenn shouted back to his friends, “It is a mystery isn’t it? See you all later.” And Glenn nuzzled up alongside Jan for some much needed forgiveness time.

“That guy is such a brown-noser, isn’t he?” his friends said to one another as they flew off.

“What’s a brown-noser, guys?” Gerry geared up to share some of his thoughts. “I’ve never understood that phrase.  I’ve thought on it and thought and it just doesn’t make any sense to me. First, you have to figure out, what exactly is a nose? Why don’t we have them? Or do we? And if we do, are they brown? I’m not good with colors but it seems to me that our gullets are more of a shade like the sand.  In fact, I told my wife the other day, I said, Bonnie, what’s a..,,,”

“Oh, do Shut up,” all the others called back to Gerry, good-naturedly.

And that was the first meeting Congress of the Pelicans.