Who's the Idiot Now

All right, it was me that was the idiot after all.

Colombian street artist in Bogotá

Sometimes I just want to cry. Unbeknownst to me, there was a specific name attached to the program for seniors who want to audit classes at the U. of Memphis. Without realizing that bit of information, I had applied to the undergraduate school at the U. of M. as a non-degree seeking student, assuming that the fact that I am a senior would come out in the wash.

I thought it would be kinda like this….

“Is this a tuition-paying student? ____yes  __X__no 

“Is this a senior auditing a class without charge?  __X__yes  ____no

And then, it would be like, “Voilé. You’re an Art student. Here’s your student ID, parking permit and your Art class is over there. Welcome to the U. of Memphis and we are so glad to have you.”

No, it didn’t turn out like that at all. None of that happened today. Idiot!

I should know by now that in the Ardys world of technology, there is no such thing as a simple outcome.

Bogotá

In fact, it turns out that my lack of understanding was a total deal breaker. Although the Art class instructor had written a permit for me to register for the class, it was of no use because I hadn’t applied through the correct channels to begin with. Therefore, when I went to campus this morning to register in person for the Art class, I was informed by a very nice woman in the Registrar’s Office, exactly where I had gone wrong.  And she explained that, unfortunately, there was no fixing the error of my ways. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not in this semester. I had failed to understand how the system works. Therefore I was not invited to walk over to my long-awaited Drawing class. Once again, it was me all along.  Idiot!

Sigh...My ego has taken a hit here. It’s bad enough that every store has a different kind of electronic machine for taking one’s credit card and that I don’t always figure them out immediately. Why can’t they all be the same? And those self-checkout aisles in stores throw me for a loop sometimes. Why do I have to get help from someone to pay for my potatoes? Did you know that if you don’t put your purchase into a bag on the counter immediately, the machine chastises you? Apparently, the lack of weight on that side distresses the electronic entity.

Bogotá door in Old City

Well, I’ll tell you what distresses me. I have accepted the fact that Mrs. GPS doesn’t like it when I don’t go the way she wants, even when I know my way is just as good. And I accept that I need a card to get into my building, and into my parking lot. But I don’t like it that I can’t figure out how to get out of my gated lot the same way I came in, when I’m on foot. Why do I need to be in a car for it to work? 

And why does my car lock the back doors as soon as I get out of the car? Is that supposed to be an electronic improvement? I don't think so.

And why do we have three smoke alarms in our apartment, each of them within three feet of the other two.  And all three within six feet of the stove, so that they can all alarm every time we toast or bake anything. Who needs that much alarm in their lives?

And why doesn’t our printer work right today? The light is on and the computer says it’s connected, but the printer says it’s not connected. I don’t like these technological disagreements. I don’t know who to side with.

Old City Candelaria, Bogotá

I haven’t learned how to work our TV yet. Frankly, I’ve never understood why we need to have two remotes for one TV, and now, it’s even worse than it was when we lived on land before. Because now, there are even more kinds of option thingies like Roku and Hulu and blah, blah, blah and god knows what all else and I’m afraid to touch the dumb thing. Do you know that two days ago, we actually had to have someone from the front desk at our motel come up and show us how to make the TV screen come on? 

My phone is annoying, too. It comes up with bizarre quirks that baffle me. The latest weirdness is that the screen sometimes zooms in on a single point on a map so closely so that I can’t see anything! And when I try to correct it, the screen backs off into outer space. I don’t want that much perspective on my home planet.

Am I just complaining like a frustrated senior (with a small “s”) now? Why yes, in fact, I am. All of these “improvements” are great, I suppose. Some of them lead to advances in medicine? Helping people to live longer and all of that…that’s a good thing. But all the rest of it? I just miss when things were a little simpler.

The Idiot Attempts to Take a Class

I learned shortly after arriving in Memphis that seniors (with a small “s”) in Tennessee may audit classes at schools of higher education, tuition-free! What an Awesome Deal! (with a capital “A” and “D”). So I jumped right on it.

Now, I am one of those (some may say “nerds”) who likes going to school. I just love the whole concept of sitting and listening while someone else dishes out information like it’s water bubbling up from an underground spring. I am intrigued by classes in Anthropology, Archaeology, Architecture and Art. And I haven’t even gotten into the “B” section of the Departments listed yet. It is also important to the telling of this story that I am notoriously challenged when it comes to navigating problems on the computer. I could confess to the number of times I have cried over my laptop but it would be too embarrassing for both of us. Suffice it to say, I approach computers with a prejudicial view that I cannot possibly succeed.

Spring 1978 -- I had room in my undergraduate schedule for one elective when I was in my Senior year and so I took a Drawing class. The professor thought I had real potential. “Tsk tsk,” he clucked when I told him I was actually majoring in Social Work. So, here I am, 42 years later, trying to register for a Drawing class at the U of Memphis. Take another look at that untapped potential.

In mid-November I applied to the U of Memphis as a non-degree seeking student. I sent in the paperwork and the $45 application fee via the USPS.  In December, I received an email that documentation was missing: a Tennessee D.L. and birth certificate or passport.  I scanned my Florida driver’s license and passport and emailed them to Admissions, plus filling out another whole application for admission. That was December 18^th. I was told that all documentation was received and I should be hearing soon from the Admissions Office.

December 23.  I received another email from Admissions. Documentation Missing, again…the D.L. and passport or birth certificate.  I worried about the fact that my drivers’ license is from Florida, but I couldn’t talk to anyone about that until Jan 2^nd since everything was shut down on campus. A little worried that I may not be admitted.

So over the Christmas break, I rescanned my documents along with a detailed explanation about how my legal address was in Florida because we had just moved here from the sailboat, and I had actually never lived IN Florida anyway. So, Memphis, Tennessee was my true residence.

Come January 2020. Another email from Admissions: Documentation missing…the same d*** D.L and passport or birth certificate. Unbelievable! I was visiting in Minnesota by that time. I called Admissions. Told them the name of the person with whom I had been emailing in December. Explained that I’d already sent this documentation twice. What more could I do? Exasperation in my voice. Undoubtedly. In fact, I can feel my throat tighten up now just thinking about it. The pleasant lady asked me politely to resend the documentation just one more time, please, to her. The FL D.L. was okay, but oddly enough, I do not carry my passport and birth certificate around with me while traveling in the U.S. Imagine that!

Side Note: Before we moved onto the boat, I used an app called Evernote and I scanned hundreds of documents…passports, D.L.s, Carl’s citizenship papers (he’s Canadian, by birth), Health Care Directives, Long-Term Care policies, insurance policies, marriage certificates, boat ownership, etc. including my birth certificate, into it. Yay! ßconsider this a fairly subdued “Yay” since my frustration level was elevated.  So, (groaning) I resubmitted the D.L. and birth certificate. (Current passport was never scanned into the app, Evernote. Admissions sent me another letter within 3 minutes…all was received. I had been accepted, but perhaps I should wait until I received the letter via email to register for the class.

So, it was Jan 8^th by then. Classes start at U. of Memphis on January 20^th.  Heightened anxiety creeping into my otherwise nice visit to Minnesota. Went on to my MacBook to return to the U of Memphis portfolio that I had made for myself when I applied in December and had received a 9 digit U#, otherwise known as an ID#.  My MacBook was not cooperative. I wanted to try to register for the class. I figured that within the U of M system, they would see that I’d been admitted. But, I could no longer get into my  portfolio.

Jan 8. Called the IT Dept. Was told that my problem was, “You don’t have an advisor.” He told me, “When you get an advisor you will be able to register.” I was skeptical about that and I told him so. I had read everything about non-degree students I could find. Nowhere did it say that non-degree students need an advisor. So, I was “helpfully” transferred to the Academic Advisory Office where I remained on hold for ~30 minutes.  Was then advised that I did not need an advisor. *%!&%**

Jan 9^th afternoon. My first available opportunity to resume efforts because, guess what? I do need to do other things while in MN aside from trying to register for just one fr***in class at U. of Memphis). I found the congratulatory admission letter in my email. Immediately tried to register for the Art class.  Nope. My MacBook continually gave me an error message, and it gave me questions to answer about my immunization record, which I had answered in previous paperwork!!? I called IT. The young IT person said “the reason you can’t register is because immunization documentation is missing.” Pffftt!! I told them that couldn’t be the problem. Admissions sent me my acceptance letter. The terribly young IT boy said, “Doesn’t matter. Records still have to be received.” D*** IT Dept! Was told to call back to Registrar’s Office.  Again.  Dutifully and with visions of strangling some young person in the IT Dept., I  followed IT’s direction. Called Registrar’s office…was on hold there~45 minutes!! “No, no immunization records needed. Tell IT it’s is a technical problem.”  Ayyeegggghh! Of course it is! And “it’s not me being an idiot,” I wanted to scream.

Jan 9^th. Called IT again. Explained that the system would not allow me to go where I needed to go, in order to register. A pleasantly unhelpful and technically meaningless phone conversation ensued. Was told to call the Registrar again. A very nice woman at the Registrar’s office took pity on me. Allowed me to walk her through what was happening with my MacBook. So she gave me the numbers for the class and I entered that into the system. The Class is closed.  The kind Registrar woman advised me to email the professor to request permission to get into the class anyhow.

"The Professor works part-time. "*$#@* Of course, she does!  “I hope she checks her email today,” she said. As of this moment, I am not yet registered for a class. Whether I will be registered by Jan 20 is anybody’s guess. Oh, and I discovered when I tried to request a parking permit that I will be sent one after I’ve registered.  This feels like some sort of wretched game using building blocks. Add two blocks, one falls off. Add two more blocks, a different one falls off the other side. Grrrr. But at least it’s not because I’m an idiot this time……

I’m pretty sure.